Lightning Fill In The Blank

Sep 6, 2014
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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Now onto our final game - Lightning Fill In The Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as he or she can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?

BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: Adam has four, Faith and Mike each have two.

SAGAL: All right. We have flipped a coin and Faith has elected to go first, so here we go. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank, according to a representative for the CDC, the blank outbreak in West Africa is nearly out of control.

FAITH SALIE: Ebola.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Right. A federal jury convicted former Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell and his wife on blank charges.

SALIE: Fraud.

SAGAL: Yeah, corruption. Close enough.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SALIE: On Wednesday, Home Depot confirmed the possibility that a security breach may have let to customers' blanks being stolen.

SALIE: Credit card numbers.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Right. A federal judge ruled that BP was guilty of gross negligence for their part of the 2010 blank in the Gulf of Mexico?

SALIE: The deep water oil spill.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Yes. Police in Michigan arrested a man on drunk driving charges after he blanked.

SALIE: After he posted - after he bragged about it on Facebook.

SAGAL: No, after he drove onto the police station's lawn and crashed into a sign that said drive sober.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: On Thursday, scientists announced the discovery of an enormous new blank.

SALIE: Dinosaur.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Yes. On Thursday, clothing designer Isaac Mizrahi announced his collection of high-fashion blanks.

SALIE: Bolo ties.

SAGAL: Band-Aids.

(LAUGHTER)

ADAM FELBER: No, she's right. It's bolo ties.

SAGAL: No.

FELBER: No, I'm sure of it.

SALIE: I wish.

FELBER: Alternate judge Mike Birbiglia - I'm sure of it. I placed the order.

SAGAL: Johnson & Johnson says Isaac Mizrahi's new line is quote, a "glamorous way to cover up cuts and scrapes for fashionable healing." That's great for models because when you don't eat, you get dizzy and fall down a lot. Sadly for Isaac, fashion moves fast and insiders are already saying the big trend next season is open wounds.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Faith do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Faith got five right for ten more points. She now has 12 points. That gives her the lead. There you are.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: All right.

KURTIS: The lead.

SAGAL: Mike, you're up next.

MIKE BIRBIGLIA: Oh, no.

SAGAL: Here we go, Mike. Fill in the blank, this week, CVS stores nationwide stopped selling blank.

BIRBIGLIA: Products. Cigarettes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Right, tobacco products. On Tuesday, a federal judge in Louisiana upheld that state's ban on blank?

BIRBIGLIA: Gay marriage.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Right. On Tuesday, a school in Ohio caught fire during a blank.

BIRBIGLIA: (Laughter) A fire drill?

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Yes. Tom Hanks and Al Green were among those names as this year's blank honorees.

BIRBIGLIA: Tom Hanks and Al Green?

SAGAL: Yes.

(LAUGHTER)

BIRBIGLIA: They're in the same sentence...

SAGAL: Yes.

BIRBIGLIA: ...Of any kind?

(LAUGHTER)

BIRBIGLIA: Astronauts?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Kennedy Center honorees. On Thursday, comedian and "Fashion Police" host blank passed away at the age of 81.

BIRBIGLIA: Joan Rivers.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Right. Instead of asking voters for money, Oregon congressional candidate Art Robinson is asking them for blank.

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

BIRBIGLIA: Votes?

SAGAL: No. Asking them for urine samples. Robinson is the Republican nominee in an overwhelmingly Democratic district. His very narrow chance of winning was probably obliterated when he mailed 500,000 Oregon residents a flyer saying please consider giving us a sample of your urine, unquote.

BIRBIGLIA: Let me tell you, this guy's got a shot.

SAGAL: You think so? He's the kind of fresh thinking we need in America.

BIRBIGLIA: Absolutely. Looking out for number one.

SAGAL: Bill...

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: He really built up a slogan there.

SAGAL: Bill, how did Mike do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Mike got five right for ten more points. That gives him 12 and means he's tied with Faith for the lead.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: All right. So how many then does Adam need to win?

KURTIS: Four to tie, five to win.

SAGAL: OK, Adam. This is for the game. Fill in the blank, on Thursday, fast food workers across the U.S. went on strike demanding higher blank.

FELBER: Wages.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Right. Sources revealed that the Justice Department plans to launch a civil rights investigation into police actions in blank.

FELBER: Ferguson.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Right. This week a court in Germany announced a nationwide ban of the car sharing service blank?

FELBER: Uber.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Right. A man who complained on Twitter that his Domino's pizza was, quote, "just bread with no toppings" apologized when he realized blank.

FELBER: He had ordered bread with no toppings.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

BIRBIGLIA: He had ordered a shirt.

SAGAL: No, he had just opened the pizza box upside down.

(LAUGHTER)

BIRBIGLIA: Get that man a pizza.

SAGAL: After being released by the St. Louis Rams, the NFL's first openly gay player blank joined the Dallas Cowboys practice squad.

FELBER: Michael Sam.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Right. Rosie Perez and Nicole Wallace were names as new co-hosts of ABC's blank.

FELBER: The Schmew.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: I've got four already.

SAGAL: I know.

FELBER: I say The Schmew.

SAGAL: Close, it's "The View."

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: A woman in the U.K. spent six days in the hospital after blanking?

FELBER: Twerking.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: She made a mistake of trying to give her cat a bath. She's fine - had noticed that her cat had recently acquired fleas, and like any other cat owner with a death wish, decided to give it a bath. She spent the next six days at the hospital, which gave her plenty of time to think about what she had done wrong.

Bill, did Adam do well enough to win?

KURTIS: You know, he got four right for eight more points?

(APPLAUSE)

FELBER: We are all equal in the eyes of God.

SALIE: You are a gentleman and a winner, Adam Felber.

SAGAL: I feel you threw that intentionally.

FELBER: What?

SAGAL: Somehow I got that sense.

FELBER: You'll be hearing from my lawyer.

SALIE: Your schmawyer.

FELBER: He'll be calling you in the morning.

SAGAL: In just a minute now that we've seen the great nude photo scandal, we'll ask our panelists what will next be leaked online?

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