Limericks

Sep 13, 2014
Originally published on September 13, 2014 11:24 am
Copyright 2018 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's "Lightning Fill-In-The-Blank." But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can click the contact link on our website waitwait@npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago, or how about our show in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, October 16. Also, check out our "How To Do Everything Podcast." This week - how to pick the right T-shirt for your dinosaur.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME.

NICOLE FRIA: Hello there. This is Nicole Fria, just north of Chicago in Gurnee, Illinois, though I was born and raised in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

SAGAL: Hey, there you are. So is there anything in particular we should do in Pittsburgh when we go there in October?

FRIA: There are fabulous things to do in Pittsburgh. Kennywood Park is just closing, but you can ride the inclines, you could eat a Primanti's sandwich. There's just not enough time, Peter.

SAGAL: I understand.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: We'll leave it there. Nicole, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis is now going to perform for you in his mellifluous voice. Three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you will be a winner. Are you ready to play?

FRIA: Absolutely.

SAGAL: Here's your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: I stare at my phone kind of vexed. Yes, bubbles, OK. Now what's next? There's a huge pause between your words on my screen. I'm stressed while I wait for your...

FRIA: Text.

SAGAL: Yes, indeed.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Your text, very good. Now we've all done this, right? You're on your phone, you're texting with someone and you send a message and you see those little dots. And you know they're writing, but you don't know what it is yet and what are they going to say? And for the love of God, why don't they just tell me if they're laughing out loud or not. Just...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Let me know. According to the New York Times, texting anxiety caused by that is a real thing. One woman's therapist actually made her disable those little dots because they were causing her too much stress. Another woman said those little dots are quite possibly the most important source of eternal hope and ultimate let-down in our daily lives.

(LAUGHTER)

MOSHE KASHER: What I'll do to people that I, you know, I don't - I want to torture little bit is I'll just type and I'll come back in a month and a half and I'll write new phone, who dis?

SAGAL: Oh yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: Romantic and ready to mingle? There's no need to hang out a shingle. Whoever you see is probably free because half the U.S. is now...?

FRIA: Single.

SAGAL: Yes, indeed.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: According to a new government census, more than half of American adults are single, up from 34 percent in 1976. Now when we say that half of Americans are single, keep in mind that means half the population is single, not half of each American, right? If it was that, that would be like a great excuse in the bars, like, yeah,

the upper half is married...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I don't see any rings down there if you know what I mean.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: The swamp pig of old had some swagger. And though it's not scrawny and haggard, it wiggled its hips and had luscious lips and that's why we named it Mick...

FRIA: Jagger.

SAGAL: Mick Jagger, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Three in a row.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Paleontologists digging in Egypt discovered the fossilized remains of an ancient swamp pig. And because it had large lips, they think, it reminded them of another fossil, Sir Mick Jagger...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Who, according to carbon dating, is also around 19 million years old. So they named this fossil the Jaggermeryx, in honor of Mick, who misses the day's when calling someone Jaggeresque did not mean they look like a fossilized swamp pig.

(LAUGHTER)

BRIAN BABYLON: What is a - what is actually a swamp pig?

SAGAL: A swamp pig is a pig who hangs out in a swamp.

BABYLON: Is that like a Louisiana swamp pig, or a Florida marsh swamp pig?

KASHER: I thought you just asked what it is a swamp pig? Now you're breaking it down by geographical region.

BABYLON: Yeah, I mean, I need to know the (kissing sound) of my swamp pigs.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Nicole do in our quiz?

KURTIS: Oh, she was perfect - 3-0, Nicole, great.

SAGAL: Well done, Nicole.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you so much.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "BEAST OF BURDEN")

THE ROLLING STONES: (Singing) I'll never be your beast of burden. My back is broad, my feet are hurting. All I want is you to make love to me. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.