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One in 5 adults with a cancer diagnosis is a parent or guardian with a child under 18. NPR's Yuki Noguchi reports on one woman dealing with cancer as a parent as part of her series, Life After Diagnosis.
YUKI NOGUCHI, BYLINE: In the spring of 2022, Monique Morris was 31 and just hitting her stride in life and as a new mom.
MONIQUE MORRIS: We celebrated our son's first birthday. Three days later, we got married, and then six weeks later, I was diagnosed.
NOGUCHI: Her stage 2 breast cancer diagnosis came over a phone call when Morris was working from home. Her mom, who also lives in Milwaukee, was playing with the baby in his room.
MORRIS: What do I say to my mom? I've had two siblings pass away from illness already.
NOGUCHI: Morris felt racked with guilt.
MORRIS: I can still see it in my head. I can see her holding him, and I can remember when I opened up the door. They looked so normal, and I just feel so awful for the fact that I'm going to ruin this moment.
NOGUCHI: She blamed herself, even, for bringing a child into the world.
MORRIS: The next thing that I can manage to get out of my mouth is what about him? - my son.
NOGUCHI: But baby Brandon Jr. - BJ, for short - had healing powers.
MORRIS: When it was very difficult to find a reason to smile, I could look at him, and there was one right away. You can't say no to him when he's asking you to dance with him.
NOGUCHI: More and more people are facing the heightened emotions of parenting with cancer. Cancer rates are spiking at alarming rates, especially among women under 50. Facing the disease while raising kids can feel especially high stakes.
Carissa Hodgson is a social worker and director of outreach at Bright Spot Network, a support group for parents with cancer. She says their No. 1 worry is their kids' sense of well being. To them, she says...
CARISSA HODGSON: Kids will get through this.
NOGUCHI: They may need extra support, she says, and they need honesty. Hodgson's father died of cancer when she was 7. She says her mother's candor helped her.
HODGSON: She was also honest about he's not getting better. He's going to die. And I needed that. I needed that clarity.
NOGUCHI: With children, she says, it's good to focus on the present to dissuade them from fretting about the future.
HODGSON: It actually helps a child to accept what's going on and work through those big feelings, because it's the fear and the unknown and feeling like you're being kept from the truth. That's what really revs up a child's fear.
NOGUCHI: Hodgson says the burdens of cancer can hit parents harder. They're younger, earlier in their careers and face more financial demands. The strains of parenting can already feel isolating, even before the side effects of disease.
HODGSON: Just because there's a cancer diagnosis doesn't mean there's a magic wand that says all of the other life stressors are going to go away. And, in fact, if anything, it just, you know, turns it all up.
NOGUCHI: Hodgson says that's why it's essential to find community online or in-person with other parents with cancer. Support groups helped Monique Morris find solace in her isolation. Her cancer is in remission, but she says BJ, now 3, still seems to remember.
MORRIS: He wanted a doctor kit really badly. You know, I have to check Mommy. I have to check Mommy, and he would come with a little toy stethoscope and examine me.
NOGUCHI: Morris even sees silver lining in the experience.
MORRIS: I think about how compassionate he's going to be because of all of this, and I can already see that, and that warms my heart.
NOGUCHI: She thought her disease would burden him, but he's also been her salvation.
MORRIS: I felt so guilty, at first, for how much we were going to have to go through as a family, but I just - I also have this really profound gratitude.
NOGUCHI: Yuki Noguchi, NPR News.
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